The Living Proof

I recently watched "The Help." It was so incredible. If you haven't seen it, see it! Since then, I've had Mary J. Blige's song "The Living Proof" on repeat. This song speaks to me and this journey we are on together as we anticipate Christ's return. Yes, I understand that Mary most likely didn't intend for her words to be used with this in mind but bear with me for a moment...
As members of the Body of Christ, we bear witness to the Living Truth that is Christ Jesus. Our lives, in their entirety, are the Living Proof that He exists. Our pain, our choices, our relationships, our failures, our missteps, our passion, and our faith... they matter. As believers in Jesus Christ, we follow a God that walked in our shoes, took our suffering on His shoulders, and gave us freedom that we cannot destroy. We move ahead and pick up our feet everyday because He first showed us how. Mary J. Blige is on to something here:
"It's gonna be a long long journey
It's gonna be an uphill climb
It's gonna be a tough fight
It's gonna be some lonely nights... but I'm ready to carry on
I'm so glad the worst is over
I can start living now
I feel like I can do anythin' ... and finally I'm not afraid to breathe
Anything you say to me
And everything you do
You can't deny the truth... Cause I'm the living proof
So many don't survive
They just don't make it through
But look at me...I'm the living proof
Thinkin' back life's been painful
Took a while to learn how to smile
So now I'm gonna talk to my people about the storm
So glad the worst is over
I can start flyin' now
My best days are right in front of me
And I'm almost there cause now I am free
I know where I'm goin'
Cause I know where I've been
I gotta few stars that showin'
I'm gonna stay strong keep goin'
Nothing about my life's been easy
But nothings gonna keep me down
Cause I know a lot more today
Than I knew yesterday
So I am ready to carry on
Oh Lordy..."
Thank you, Mary J. Blige, for reminding me that I'm a part of the living proof that Christ exists today.

Nothing is impossible with God.

Tonight I am unable to sleep. Thoughts about Luke 1:35-38 have flooded my mind for the last few weeks. I have seen these words everywhere- on necklaces, on a notepad I got for Christmas, on the radio, in a sermon... and what a wonderful and difficult thing to ponder. What does this passage really mean? What does faith actually do when we are uncertain of our future? What does it mean when the answers we want so badly aren't coming the way we want or at the speed we're comfortable with? I have been disappointed in more ways than I can count this week...but in that disappointment, I remember what the angel spoke to Mary:
And the angel answered her, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you; therefore the child to be born will be called holy—the Son of God. And behold, your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is the sixth month with her who was called barren. For nothing will be impossible with God.” And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” And the angel departed from her. (Luke 1:35-38 ESV)
Nothing is impossible with God. How can I give up hope when Jesus gave me a new and beautiful reason to live? I may cry or get nervous about what is next, but I love Jesus. And that is enough for me. Elisabeth once said, "Faith is not an instinct. It certainly is not a feeling - feelings don't help much when you're in the lions' den or hanging on a wooden Cross. Faith is not inferred from the happy way things work. It is an act of will, a choice, based on the unbreakable Word of a God who cannot lie, and who showed us what love and obedience and sacrifice mean, in the person of Jesus Christ." I happen to agree with her tonight. God has given me little reminders all over town these past few weeks "Nothing is impossible with ME."
My answer to God: YOU'VE GOT MY ATTENTION. I AM THE SERVANT OF THE LORD. LET IT BE TO ME ACCORDING TO YOUR WORD.

Reflecting on the carpet...

I'm currently sitting in the middle of my (almost) empty room in St. Louis with a couple of books, a jar of paint brushes, and a box of old photographs on the floor. It is hard to believe that I have finally made it to December. I've packed up my life into boxes and am headed down South tomorrow to be with my family for Christmas and to put everything in storage. I've started support raising for my new adventure living in Africa and it feels a bit lonely this morning as I think about what that means. So many wonderful blessings these past few months...

"I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14

Always Enough

Katie Davis' sweet writing has truly blessed me in ways I couldn't have imagined. At times, she gave words to my heart and helped me process my own story as I read hers. I pray that Jesus continues to teach our communities, as individuals and groups, to love desperately... with true and lasting faith. We can trust Him, because He has gone before us and taught us to love. God help us believe! Help us to fight for racial reconciliation! Help us to serve you without hesitation! Lord, give us Your eyes, Your ears, Your love, and Your grace to do the hard work of the Gospel... to see lasting change in relationships around us and around the world.

In the last portion of her book, Katie writes:

I believe there is only one truly courageous thing we can do with our lives: to love unconditionally. Absolutely, with all of ourselves, so much that it hurts, and then more.

I would like to say that as I become more and more surrounded with sorrow and destitution, it gets easier or less painful. But it doesn't. The brokenness of this world does not become any less sad. Each and every time, it is overwhelmingly devastating that people have to live, and die, like this--like my girls and I see happening around us. While it does not get easier, I have found that I am able to face each situation with a little more hope. I always hope my friends will live here on earth with me, but I tell them with a new sense of urgency about Jesus because mostly I want them to live with Him, experience His profound, unconditional love, whether here or in heaven. I see the sadness, but I also see the redemption.

I have learned along my journey that if I really want to follow Jesus, I will go to the hard places. Being a Christ follower means being acquainted with sorrow. We must know sorrow to be able to fully appreciate joy. Joy costs pain, but the pain is worth it. After all, the murder had to take place before the resurrection.

I'll be honest: The hard places can seem unbearable. It's dark and it's scary, and even though I know God said He will never leave or forsake me, sometimes it's so dark that I just can't see Him. But then the most incredible thing happens: God takes me by the hand and walks me straight out of the hard place and into the beauty on the other side. He whispers to me to be thankful, that even this will be for His good.

It takes awhile sometimes, coming out of the dark place. Sometimes God and I come out into a desert and he has to carry me through that too. Sometimes I slip a lot on the way out and He has to keep coming back to get me. Always, on the other side is something beautiful, because He has used the hard place to increase my sense of urgency and to align my desires with His. I realize that it was there that He was closest to me, even in the times when I didn't see Him. I realize that the hard places are good because it is there that I gained more wisdom, and though with wisdom comes sorrow, on the other side of sorrow is joy. And a funny thing happens when I realize this: I want to go to the hard place again. Again and again and again.

So we go.

What an AMAZING night! God is incredible!

Last night I experienced a taste of redemption in an unlikely place. I was really needing to see the Lord working in my life, as I had been discouraged throughout the day with work and other things. I knew I needed renewal and I asked for it. He answered much quicker than I realized...

I was on my way to weekly worship time at Covenant and happened (for the first time in a long time) to be 25 minutes early. I noticed that I was out of gas so I pulled out of the turn lane and went up to the gas station semi-near the Seminary. With the little time I had, I pulled up to the pump, swiped my card, and turned back to the car to put my card away. Behind me, I heard a woman's voice saying, "Excuse me. Ma'am. Excuse me!" I turned to see this woman who looked pretty frantic. She said, "My sister was in a terrible accident. They are life-flighting her out to Barnes Jewish Hospital. I don't know what happened, but on my way, I realized I didn't have any gas and I didn't bring money with me. Could you spare a few dollars to help me fill my tank?"

Now, normally, I am a pretty skeptical person when asked for money. I usually (admittedly and regretfully) ask several questions to determine the seriousness of the situation before I let the small amount of money I have slip out of my fingers. But this time was different. I didn't have any cash. All I had was a card. I looked into this woman's face, could see she was distressed, and told her to pull up her car at the adjacent pump. I filled up her tank.

While I was filling her car, I told her about my sister and how she had passed a little over a year ago. She wept and said she was afraid of what was happening with her own sister. She said, "What am I going to do?" So, I asked, "Do you know Jesus?" She looked at me with tears streaming down her face and said, "Yes! I just became a believer recently! My sister led me to the Lord." I smiled and I told her the God of all comfort, the God who died on our behalf to walk these difficult roads with us, was with her, with her sister, in this moment. I told her that God orchestrates even these interactions at gas stations to shower his incredible Love on His children... to be with each other when tough times come. She told me that she just knew to come talk to me- that she saw me standing there and just felt Someone tell her to come ask me for help.

Isn't it just like our Lord to bring together two suffering women this way? This woman had no idea that I had just walked the road she was on just 16 months ago. How is this possible apart from the Gospel? IT ISN'T. The same God that fed 5 thousand through a few pieces of fish and bread, the same God that poured water from a rock, the same God who is making all things new, RIGHT NOW, stepped in to someone's despair and fear, and answered their prayers- BOTH OF OURS. We parted by me reaching to her and hugging her, telling her He is with her.

I got into my car and just sobbed on my way back to Covenant. I thanked Him for the honor to serve Him out of my own pain, and thanked Him for my story. I thanked Him for the challenge of this past year, the trials I have faced, and the agony of losing a beloved sister. Mostly, I thanked Him for giving me the courage to trust Him, to put my hands out and be a light to another sister in need. What an incredible gift for my heart to experience.

Just 10 minutes changed the course of my entire week. 10 minutes of the Lord walking on this earth with me in this moment at a gas station on a busy road, 10 minutes to soften my heart to his calling on my life. 10 minutes was long enough to hear, "Katie, love my people. Love them. Give them everything you have. I have delivered you through incredible mercy. Feed the hungry. Give voice to their tears. I will bring them to you... share with them what I am doing... for them! Love them desperately because I first loved you."

I leave you with Paul's words to the Ephesians- 4:1-16 (MSG) tonight. Trust in His power, His story, His truth in your life. I give all glory to Him who has granted me such tremendous grace!

^1-3In light of all this, here's what I want you to do. While I'm locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk—better yet, run!—on the road God called you to travel. I don't want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don't want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences.

^4-6You were all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly. You have one Master, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who rules over all, works through all, and is present in all. Everything you are and think and do is permeated with Oneness.

^7-13But that doesn't mean you should all look and speak and act the same. Out of the generosity of Christ, each of us is given his own gift. The text for this is,

He climbed the high mountain,
He captured the enemy and seized the booty,
He handed it all out in gifts to the people.
Is it not true that the One who climbed up also climbed down, down to the valley of earth? And the One who climbed down is the One who climbed back up, up to highest heaven. He handed out gifts above and below, filled heaven with his gifts, filled earth with his gifts. He handed out gifts of apostle, prophet, evangelist, and pastor-teacher to train Christ's followers in skilled servant work, working within Christ's body, the church, until we're all moving rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in response to God's Son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without, fully alive like Christ.

^14-16No prolonged infancies among us, please. We'll not tolerate babes in the woods, small children who are an easy mark for impostors. God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ in everything. We take our lead from Christ, who is the source of everything we do. He keeps us in step with each other. His very breath and blood flow through us, nourishing us so that we will grow up healthy in God, robust in love.

Kisses from Katie

I started reading a book that was suggested to me by a close friend. She told me that Katie and I seem to share a lot in common in our blogs. After reading 72 pages from Kisses from Katie today, that little light in my heart that beats for the sands of the Sahara is a bit brighter because He is calling me back. This dear believing sister, Katie Davis, is an inspiration to me. As a young twenty-something, she is the mother of several little girls, living in a country far away from home. She loves because Christ first loved her. She said "Yes" to God when things seemed impossible. She understands suffering and, while we have never met, she is someone who shares a passion to see the Gospel touch the lives of others through love and I can't wait to debrief with her in Glory. Here is what she wrote:

Most days, I wished I could wake up under my down comforter in a house with my loving family, not all by myself. Sometimes I just wished I could hang out with my little brother and his buddies, eating junk food and laughing late into the night. Sometimes I wanted to spend hours upon hours talking with my best friends about boys and fashion and school and life. I wanted to go to the gym; I wanted my hair to look nice; I wanted to be allowed to wear jeans. I wanted to be a normal teenager living in America, sometimes.

But I wanted other things more. All the time. I wanted to be spiritually and emotionally filled every day of my life. I wanted to be loved and cuddled by a hundred children and never go a day without laughing. I wanted to wake up to a rooster's crow and open my eyes to see lush green trees that seemed to pulse with life against a piercing blue sky and the rusty red soil of Uganda. I wanted to be challenged endlessly; I wanted to be learning and growing every minute. I wanted to be taught by those I teach, and I wanted to share God's love with people who otherwise might not know it. I wanted to work so hard that I ended every day filthy and too tired to move. I wanted to feel needed, important, and used by the Lord. I wanted to make some kind of difference, no matter how small, and I wanted to follow the calling God had placed on my heart. I wanted to give my life away, to serve the Lord with each breath, each second. At the end of the day, no matter how hard, I wanted to be right here in Uganda.

Opportunities to make someone else's life better were so much more attractive to me than the thought of the comforts I once knew. The longer I stayed, the more I realized that deep fulfillment had begun to swallow my every frustration. No matter how many contradictions I struggled with, how difficult certain situations were, no matter how lonely I got, no matter how many tears I cried, one truth remained firmly grounded in my heart: I was in the center of God's will; I was doing what I was created to do."

Psalm 118

Psalm 118 has become very important to me over the last few years... especially verse 17. I will tell of His great love. I will shout from the highest of places what the Lord has done... and continues to do in my life!

Stand firm in your faith, dear friends. This life is rough, but the Lord is good and that kind of love doesn't give up on us. When we are down and need to be known... He is there. He makes sense out of the senseless, gives us the strength to keep fighting when we think we've given everything we've got, and tells us: "I love you... unconditionally... forever... do not be afraid." Let this encourage you tonight as it has encouraged me.

Thank God because he's good, because his love never quits.
Tell the world, Israel,
"His love never quits."
And you, clan of Aaron, tell the world,
"His love never quits."
And you who fear God, join in,
"His love never quits."

^5-16 Pushed to the wall, I called to God;
from the wide open spaces, he answered.
God's now at my side and I'm not afraid;
who would dare lay a hand on me?
God's my strong champion;
I flick off my enemies like flies.
Far better to take refuge in God
than trust in people;
Far better to take refuge in God
than trust in celebrities.
Hemmed in by barbarians,
in God's name I rubbed their faces in the dirt;
Hemmed in and with no way out,
in God's name I rubbed their faces in the dirt;
Like swarming bees, like wild prairie fire, they hemmed me in;
in God's name I rubbed their faces in the dirt.
I was right on the cliff-edge, ready to fall,
when God grabbed and held me.
God's my strength, he's also my song,
and now he's my salvation.
Hear the shouts, hear the triumph songs
in the camp of the saved?
"The hand of God has turned the tide!
The hand of God is raised in victory!
The hand of God has turned the tide!"

^17-20 I didn't die. I lived!
And now I'm telling the world what God did.
God tested me, he pushed me hard,
but he didn't hand me over to Death.
Swing wide the city gates—the righteous gates!
I'll walk right through and thank God!
This Temple Gate belongs to God,
so the victors can enter and praise.

^21-25 Thank you for responding to me;
you've truly become my salvation!
The stone the masons discarded as flawed
is now the capstone!
This is God's work.
We rub our eyes—we can hardly believe it!
This is the very day God acted—
let's celebrate and be festive!
Salvation now, God. Salvation now!
Oh yes, God—a free and full life!

^26-29 Blessed are you who enter in God's name—
from God's house we bless you!
God is God,
he has bathed us in light.
Festoon the shrine with garlands,
hang colored banners above the altar!
You're my God, and I thank you.
O my God, I lift high your praise.
Thank God—he's so good.
His love never quits!

Walking Through the Valley

“How could he be dead? Surely, God would somehow, someway, still intervene...He was not to intervene in the way I hoped, but in quite another way--equally miraculous. Just how miraculous I was not to realize until much later. I was to be led by that Power outside myself into areas beyond my knowledge, along the path that leads through and out of the Valley of the Shadow of Death. There would be rocky ledges, steep slopes, slippery places, many a fork in the road where a clear-cut decision would be required. I knew none of the trails: the Valley was untrodden country. yet by sure steps I would be led through it. I was to discover the Lord as my Shepherd- quite literally and in many practical ways”. - Catherine Marshall “To Live Again”

I looked out the window of the plane on my way home on Friday night, thinking about being amidst those that still feel the ache from the loss of my lovely sister. I remember feeling the way Mrs. Marshall described: walking blindly through the Valley, finding the ledges, the slippery places, and the forks in the road to be daunting... but they were powerful projectors that pushed me forward into the unknown-- into the good. Even after all of this time, my eyes still fill with tears as I remember Nikki’s sweet smile, her laugh, and her trust as she told me her most intimate and precious secrets. I often hear people tell me, “You are so brave.”, “You have so much strength in you.”, “I can’t believe you are still moving forward at this pace.”

Well, truth is, I am not the strong person I’d like people to think I am. I was incredibly surprised by my response to her death-- that I was so concerned with making sure the Gospel was talked about at her funeral-- so that many people that did not know Christ could hear His message to them through her life. My usual selfish streak wasn’t showing itself at the time. It was very unlike me to put others ahead of myself, especially in a moment of deep pain. Something was added to me those days that followed her death. Some form of selflessness that was absolutely foreign to my typical way of doing life. Trust me, I’m NOT that mature of a person.

I find myself often still feeling the linens on her bed as I laid my head down by Nikki’s hand and her legs, exhausted from no sleep... with the sounds of Family Matters reruns in the background on the TV. I will never forget singing to her that night, with my voice shaky and begging God to heal her. Never before had my prayers been so desperate. I remember the night nurse watching me as I sang in those early hours of the night and wondering to myself, “What is she thinking? Am I crazy to be believing she could wake up at any moment?”

After all of the mess, I found myself questioning my faith and my life. I became terrified of future pain and suffering. There was no way I was going to get through all of this. My pain dominated my life. (And it still does at times!) After the initial few weeks of selflessness, my typical selfish behavior returned and still rages inside my heart on multiple occasions throughout the week. Praise the Lord that we have the Cross- that He had to die on our behalf because we couldn’t save ourselves- that our hearts would need redemption in the most unlikely place- through death.... and then, through resurrection. He trumps our selfishness every time. Marshall wrote, “I was to discover the Lord as my Shepherd- quite literally and in many practical ways.” So far, I’ve been blessed with His incredible presence in teaching me what it means to love amidst the pain. I’m looking forward to more of His direction.

Awakening- Sara Groves

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5CVvJ_UWbU

Dress down your pretty faith. Give me something real.
Leave out the thee and thou and speak to me now.
Speak to my pain and confusion.
Speak through my fears and my pride.
Speak to the part of me that knows I'm something deep down inside.

I know that I am not perfect, but compare me to most,
In a world of hurt and a world of anger I think I'm holding my own.
And I know that you said there is more to life.
And I know I am not satisfied.
But there are mornings I wake up and I'm just thankful to be alive.

I've known now, for quite a while, that I am not whole.
I've remembered the body and the mind,
But dissected my soul.
Now something inside is awakening,
Like a dream I once had and forgot.
And it's something I'm scared of
And something I don't want to stop.

And I woke up this morning and realized that Jesus is not a portait.
Where stained glass windows or hymns or the tradition that surrounds us.
And I thought it would be hard to believe in
But it's not hard at all.
To believe I've sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.

And He's not asking me to change in my joy for martyrdom
He's asking to take my place.
To stand in the gap that I have formed
With His real, and His sweet, and His real amazing grace.
And it's not just a sign or a sacrament.
It's not just a metaphor for love.
The blood is real and it's not just a symbol of your faith.

So leave out the thee and thou and speak now.

- Sara Groves

I Have Come to Do Your Will

(another awesome excerpt from DeMoss's book Surrender)

When Jesus left heaven to come to earth He had one purpose in mind.

"I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me." (John 6:38 NIV)

"Then I said, "Here I am...I have come to do your will O God." (Hebrews 10:7 NIV)

We consider it remarkable when a human being fully surrenders his or her agenda and will to the will of God-- probably because such an individual is so rare. But as we have seen in light of who God is and who we are, such surrender is completely reasonable. What makes the attitude of the Lord Jesus so astounding is that He is God. For Him to surrender His will to that of the Father can only be explained in terms of utter selflessness, trust, humility, and deep devotion to His Father.

Throughout His years here on earth, Jesus maintained this posture of surrender to God. Virtually the only insight we are given into Jesus' life from age twelve till He reached manhood is that He was obedient to His parents (Luke 2:51). That obedience to human authorities was an expression of His surrender to the will of God.

Before He began His earthly ministry, Jesus endured a period of intense temptation in the desert. What was the underlying issue that Satan used to tempt Jesus. It was this matter of control.

As he had done with the man and the woman in the garden of Eden four thousand years earlier, Satan attempted to get Jesus to surrender to his control. And as with the first couple, he started by appealing to Jesus' physical appetites-- you decide what to eat and when. Though Jesus had not eaten in forty days, He refused to operate apart from the direction of His Father, even in the seemingly insignificant matter.

In his final volley, Satan offered to give Jesus "all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor" (something that was not his to give, for that all belongs to God!), if only "you will bow down and worship me" (Matthew 4:8-9 NIV)

Adam and Eve had failed essentially that same test. Offered an opportunity to control their own lives, they had bowed down and worshipped the one whose sole intent is to usurp the throne of God.

Jesus knew that if He conceded even an iota of control to Satan, he would be rejecting the kingdom and control of God. He understood that that is the essence of sin; it is what separates God from man, and it is what accounts for all the misery in the history of the world.

Jesus acknowledged only one King and was fully surrendered to the will of His heavenly Father; therefore, He would not for a moment concede control to the Father's archenemy. He would not bow before any other so-called king; He would not worship anyone other than God. He would not indulge His human desires for food or comfort or gain, if to do so required Him to operate outside His Father's will.

Jesus came to earth expressly to do the will of God, which required that He offer up His body as a sacrifice. never for a single moment did He ever resist the will of His Father. Never was there a hint of a power struggle between Father and Son-- never a battle for control-- just complete, glad surrender. To demonstrate that surrender, the Lord Jesus took upon Himself "the form of a bond servant." Then, in the ultimate display of relinquishing control, "He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death" (Philippians 2:7-8 NASB)

Every time you and I bow our heads in acceptance of and surrender to the will of God, we embrace the cross and we manifest to the world the heart of Christ who bowed His head to the will of His Father. When all is said and done the conquering King will turn over to His Father all the kingdoms He has overcome--all the spoils of war. And then, once again, as time gives way to eternity, the Son of God, the Almighty, sovereign Creator and Redeemer, the Lord of heaven and earth, will bow His head in a final, magnificent act of surrender.

I am learning what it means to trust in a God that has been there, experienced my temptations and struggles. He is still working and will fight for us until the end. I can bow my head in surrender to a God this powerful... who has paved the road with His blood.

The Face of Holiness

(From Holiness by Nancy Leigh DeMoss)

"If you've been a Christian for any length of time, you have probably struggled with thoughts like those expressed by this discouraged believer:

I hate myself; I hate my sin... I felt that there was nothing I so much desired in this world [as holiness], nothing I so much needed. But so far from in any measure attaining it, the more I pursued and strove after it, the more it eluded my grasp; till hope itself almost died out...I cannot tell you how I am buffeted sometimes by temptation. I never knew how bad a heart I had...Often I am tempted to think that one so full of sin cannot be a child of God at all.

Would it surprise you to learn that these anguished words flowed from the pen of one of the most revered heroes in the history of the Christian church? J. Hudson Taylor, nineteenth-century pioneer missionary to China, was renowned as a man of extraordinary faith, sacrifice, prayer, and devotion. When he wrote these words, Taylor was the leader of a thriving mission enterprise.

For several months, he had carried a burden for greater holiness in the mission and in his own life. he later wrote of that period:

I prayed, agonized, fasted, strove, made resolutions, read the Word more diligently...but all was without effect. Every day, almost every hour, the consciousness of sin oppressed me.

In the fall of 1869, Hudson Taylor found himself at a crisis point. The pressure of circumstances had been building up for months. He had experienced a bout with serious illness, the unbearably hot climate, the stresses associated with overseeing a large and growing ministry, endless demands on his time, and extensive travel under primitive conditions in the interior of China. He found himself with frayed nerves, irritable, prone to harshness, and unable to live the life of holiness he so longed to exhibit.

From his tormented heart, he asked a question you may have asked on occasion, as have I: Is there no rescue? Must it be thus to the end- constant conflict, and instead of victory, too often defeat?

Still in turmoil, he returned home from a trip to find a letter from a fellow missionary named John McCarthy, who had recently encountered Christ in a new way. His testimony included a quote from a book called Christ in All:"The Lord Jesus received is holiness begun; the Lord Jesus cherished is holiness advancing; the Lord Jesus counted upon as never absent would be holiness complete." went on to describe the radical difference this message was making in his life:

Abiding, not striving nor struggling; looking off unto Him; trusting Him for present power; trusting Him to subdue all inward corruption; resting in the love of an almighty Savior;...this is not new, and yet 'tis new to me. I feel as though the first dawning of a glorious day had risen upon me.

As Taylor read McCarthy's letter, he was given a new look at Christ. That look proved to be transformational. Six weeks later, Taylor received a letter from his sister in England. She poured out her heart about the pressures she was undergoing as a mother with a growing family and the frustration she was experiencing in her own walk with God. In his reply, Taylor eagerly shared with his troubled sister what God had so freshly done in his life:

As I read his letter, I saw it all!...I looked to Jesus and saw (and when I saw, oh, how joy flowed!) that He had said, "I will never leave you." "Ah, there is rest!" I thought... I saw not only that Jesus would never leave me, but that I was a member of His body, of His flesh and of His bones...Oh, the joy of seeing this truth!...It is a wonderful thing to be really one with a risen and exalted Savior; to be a member of Christ! Think what it involves. Can Christ be rich and I poor? Can your right hand be rich and the left poor? or your head be well fed while your body starves?... All this springs from the believer's oneness with Christ. And since Christ has thus dwelt in my heart by faith, how happy I have been!

From start to finish, the pathway of holiness is a life of faith-- faith in the person, the work, and the gospel of Christ. We were justified-- declared righteous-- by faith in the atoning work of CHrist on our behalf. And we are sanctified-- progressively made righteous in our practice--not by our own efforts, but through faith in His sanctifying grace.

In looking to Jesus, Hudson Taylor discovered the power to live a holy life. He wrote to his sister, "I am as capable of sinning as ever, but Christ is realized as present as never before. He cannot sin; and He can keep me from sinning."

Jesus can keep you and me from sinning. And when we do sin, it is He who will cleanse and pardon us. Through the cross of Christ, God has made provision for every sin we could possibly commit. His grace is infinitely more powerful than any sinful bondage.

As Charles Spurgeon says so eloquently, such a Savior is a sinner's only hope:

Though you have struggled in vain against your evil habits, though you have wrestled with them sternly and resolved, and re-resolved, only to be defeated by your giant sins and your terrible passions, there is One who can conquer all your sins for you. There is One who is stronger than Hercules, who can strangle the hydra of your lust, kill the lion of your passions, and cleanse the Augean stable of your evil nature by turning the great rivers of blood and water of his atoning sacrifice right through your soul. He can make and keep you pure within. Oh, look to him!

There is something powerful about fixing our eyes on Jesus as we seek to be holy. The apostle Paul put it this way:

We all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.- 2 Corinthians 3:18

As we look upon Him, we are changed into His image. At the moment, our ability to behold the Savior is limited, because we are in these finite bodies and still have to contend with our corrupt flesh. But one day, totally freed from sin, we will be able to see Christ clearly, as He is. Seeing Him, we will adore Him fully and will be drawn to become like Him. In that moment, our transformation into His likeness will be complete.

Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when [Christ] appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is.- 1 John 3:2

The longing of my heart--and the longing of every follower of Christ--is to be like Him. That transformation is not something we can produce on our own, apart from the power of His indwelling Holy Spirit. Like Hudson Taylor, you may have been striving and struggling to be more holy. The Lord Jesus invites you to cease your striving, to come to Him, and to find rest for your soul. As you meditate on His magnificence and follow in His footsteps, He will bring about in you a marvelous transformation that will be completed when you finally see Him face-to-face.

Prayer during Singleness

Hannah Whitall Smith, in her letter to a single woman wrote, " No soul can be really at rest until it has given up all dependence on everything else and has been forced to depend on the Lord alone. As long as our expectation is from other things, nothing but disappointment awaits us. Feelings may change, and will change, with our changing circumstances: doctrines and dogmas may be upset; Christian work may come to naught; prayers may seem to lose their fervency; promises may seem to fail; everything that we have believed in or depended upon may seem to be swept away, and only God is left, just God, the bare God, if I may be allowed the expression; simply and only God... This, then, is what I mean by God being enough. It is that we find in Him, the fact of His existence and of His character, all that we can possibly want for everything. God is, must be, our answer to every question and every cry of need. If there is any lack in the One who has undertaken to save us, nothing supplementary we can do will avail to make it up; if there is no lack in Him, then He of Himself and in Himself is enough."

Dear Heavenly Father,

Yes, it's me again. I wanted to thank you for all that you have done to show me the kind of woman you are molding me to be. Thank you for loving me well, especially because I don't deserve it. I turn my eyes away from yours often and I choose my own way. I take the gifts you give to me and the whispered path you want me on, gather up my bags, and leave earlier than you ask. I'm an impatient woman, who tends to desire ease and false security when I know you have called me to live a life of faith. I don't trust that you will bring the gifts my way, especially the love of a husband. Truthfully, Father, I do not trust your timing in the story and I certainly don't like to hand over my control, especially in the area of relationships. Father, please forgive me. Help me to be patient. Help me to put my hope in You, and wait patiently for what You will provide, in Your own time, in Your own way. Forgive me for living even a moment of life drenched in fear rather than drenched in faith. Help me to focus on becoming a woman worth waiting for and give me the courage to trust you when that time comes. You are a God of incredible power, with incredible truths pouring out on your children. Thank you that you love us this much to wait patiently and discipline us with your Great Love. When the angel told Mary she would carry the body of Your only Son, she said, "I am the Lord's servant, and I am willing to accept whatever He wants." (Luke 1:38) Lord, teach me this faith. My heart is fuller because you dwell there. Thank you that you let me see your face, and let your beauty reflect on me.

Thank you for calling me "Yours". Now THAT is love.

Yours first,

Katie

An Assigned Portion

An old radio program I stumbled upon today and thought I'd share. :) An Assigned Portion

Elisabeth Elliot: Do we think of our lot as hard? In a measure, yes. But let's remember that no matter how hard our assignment appears to be, it is an exact measure, apportioned and given by the will of the power that rules our destiny. "You are loved with an everlasting love." That's what the Bible says. "And underneath are theeverlasting arms." This is your friend Elisabeth Elliot, continuing my talks today on "Whatever My Lot." I told you yesterday about having tea with Mrs. Vester, whose name was Bertha Spafford. She was the 91year-oldlady who had been the daughter of Horatio Spafford, the author of "It Is Well With My Soul," that beautiful hymn, the story of which so many of us know--how his wife and children were in a wreck at sea. The children were all drowned, and this lady that I had tea with in Jerusalem was then 91. She had been born after that disaster. We talked about what the word "lot" means. It just means whatever happens to us, whatever befalls, whatever comes by the powers that rule our destiny. I gave you that wonderful verse in Psalm 16:5: "Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup, and have made my lot secure." God in His mercy measures out exactly the things that are best for us. We are to learn through the sorrows and the difficulties to love Him, to walk with Him, to show Him to the world, and we may learn to do what He did--to help lift other people's burdens. In Gal. 6:2 we read, "Carry each other burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." I had a letter from a radio listener who has no mate, no children, no friends, no job. She's getting older and she is utterly miserable. She's asking me to help her with this. Well, I hope I helped her by pointing out to her the fact that she had no mate, no children, no friends, no job and that she was getting older were all a part of an assigned lot. You know, that woman could be very angry with me for saying that. She could say, "Well, what do you know about it? You have a great life. You have a wonderful husband. You have children. You have friends." Well, I am getting older. I guess that's the only one that she would have to acknowledge was true. Is there anybody listening to me that's not getting older? You may be a long way from old, but we're all getting older, aren't we? Do we think of our lot as hard? In a measure, yes. But let's remember that no matter how hard our assignment appears to be, it is an exact measure, apportioned and given by the will of the power that rules our destiny--the will of God. I tried, of course, to turn her thoughts to the One who alone can meet her need--to turn to Christ in her loneliness, to offer it up to Him for His transformation, that she may be able then to lift the burden of someone else. The whole first chapter of 2 Corinthians is about Paul's sufferings and the ways in which God gave him the privilege of comforting other people because of the suffering that he himself had been through. That's true of every one of us. Whatever the form of suffering that God has chosen for our lot and apportioned for us is there not only to teach us how to know Him and to love Him and to accept the lot that He gives us, but that we might also comfort other people. Out of Horatio Spafford's tremendous loss we have gained--by that beautiful hymn that he wrote. That may be the most important thing that he did in his life. Only God can judge that, but it's the only reason that most of us know the name of Horatio Spafford. It was a revelation of Christ to him to realize that, though Satan should buffet and trials should come, here was a blessed assurance that kept him under control: "Christ hath regarded my helpless estate and hath shed His own blood for my soul." Without experiences of loss, bereavement, weakness, what knowledge or understanding would we have of the Savior of the world? He bore our grief. He carried our burdens and our sorrows and He calls us to do the same in this sin-sick, suffering, bewildered, lost world. Do you know that beautiful story of the widow of Zarephath? In 1 Kings 17, God had been feeding Elijah the prophet in the wilderness by sending ravens to him with food every morning and every evening. But then the day came when the brook dried up and the ravens had been bringing him bread and meat in the morning and bread and meat in the evening, and he had been drinking from the brook. But when the brook dried up, because there hadn't been any rain, then the Lord said, "Go at once to Zarephath of Sidon and stay there. I have commanded a widow in that place to supply you with food." So he went to Zarephath. When he came to the town gate, a widow was there gathering sticks. He called to her and said, "Would you bring me a little water in a jar so that I may have a drink?" As she was going to get it, he called, "And bring me please a piece of bread." "As surely as the Lord your God lives," she replied, "I don't have any bread, only a handful of flour in a jar and a little oil in a jug. I'm gathering a few sticks to take home and make a meal for myself and my son, that we may eat it and then die." Elijah said to her, "Don't be afraid. Go home and do as you have said, but first make a small cake of bread for me from what you have, and bring it to me. And then make something for yourself and your son, for this is what the Lord the God of Israel says, 'The jar of flour will not be used up, and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the Lord gives rain on the land."' So she went away and did as Elijah had told her. There was food for every day, for Elijah and the woman and her family. The jar of flour was not used up and the jug of oil did not run dry, in keeping with the word of the Lord. Tremendous spiritual lesson in that little story. Here was the most destitute of women. There were no more destitute women in Old Testament times than widows. She was out there gathering the last few sticks to make the last of the cakes that she could make from what she had left of oil and flour. Imagine the arrogance of this prophet coming along and saying, "Make me a cake first." But she didn't hesitate. She knew somehow that God was speaking through that man. In her obedience and what she thought would be a great sacrifice, God completely replenished that almost gone store of oil and flour, and continued to replenish it. I have found that this is true in the spiritual life. If we accept the poverty and the suffering that God has given to us in whatever form it may be--and my poverty has not been financial, but there are certainly other ways in which I've discovered that I am poor indeed. But if I receive that with thanksgiving and offer it back to God, He can replenish my emptiness for the good of others. I read you the story of a woman depressed, self-pitying and hopeless. My advice to her is "Spend yourself " Is. 58: 10 says, "If you pour yourself out for the hungry, then the Lord will satisfy your desires and you will be like a watered garden." The Apostle Paul said, "I am poured out like a drink offering." Isaiah tells us that Jesus poured out His soul unto death. Paul's lot in life was one of radical limitation, no physical comfort, unfairness, and abandonment. If all was in vain, yet he was willing to be poured out like a drink offering. In Phil. 2:12-18 this is what he says: "My dear friends, as you have always obeyed, not only in my presence but now much more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you to will and to do according to His good purpose. Do everything without complaining or arguing so that you might become blameless and pure children of God, without fault in a crooked and depraved generation in which you shine like stars in the universe, as you hold out the word of life, in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing. But even if I am being poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you." I don't know what your lot is today, but can you say with Horatio Spafford, "Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, 'It is well, it is well with my soul"'?

Pain + Joy= Growth

I am tempted to run to despair mode when things get thrown in my face all at once... Remembering the truth of the Gospel gets difficult in the tough times and clinging to hope is desperate. It does feel easier to just add up all of the losses lately and throw my hands in the air but the problem with doing this is that I forget the good and joyful moments that sit in those times. I was on my way home tonight, feeling vulnerable and upset about a few things, one in particular was the loss of another family member this month and the situation that surrounds it... and, of course, because cops love me, I get pulled over. I'm not one of those girls that gets out of tickets, and this time I cried and didn't care at all what he thought. All I was thinking was... "Great. Just another check on the "Let's kick Katie when she's down list". The police officer didn't even check to see if I was alright (I had tears streaming down my face), told me some mess about reading an envelope to pay the fine, drove off quickly, and something inside of me just fell apart. I cried the entire way home. All I wanted was a hug, someone to tell me it was going to be o.k., and then I started thinking about potential loneliness in the next stage of my life and I just about lost it completely. (Yes, I know how ridiculous this can sound... welcome to the inner thoughts of my mind)

Praise the Lord that He just put his hands on my face, told me that I was His and that was all that mattered. I was reminded of something I read today:

It feels right to me that life

Must have balance, that good

Times and hard times are

Meticulously measured out, for it is

Only in the blend of both

That we grow...

That wholeness comes,

That we know how to laugh

With others

And how to cry.

Substance in the human heart

Is built... nurtured... so much

More by pain and failure

And disappointment

Than by happiness and joy, yet God, in

Infinite wisdom, understands what

Our limits are and never

Tries us more than we can handle.- Ann Kiemel Anderson, This Is a Story about God

Amidst the mess, the last 3 weeks have been wonderful and a huge encouragement to my soul. I have laughed harder, smiled bigger, and experienced the gift of delight and joy more than I have in the last 3 years. All of these things so quickly get forgotten when darkness tries to seep back into my soul. However, I can stand up, even with tears in my eyes, and trust that the God that knows my heart better than any man or woman, is leading me down a path that is fulfilling and glorious. He has to be enough. He IS enough.

Choose a Full Life

There are no guarantees how your life story will read. You hold on to hope, and you trust that God has a better script for your life than you could write on your own. Married or not, childless or with a house full of little feet, at the top of your field or amazingly average- God's blessing is on your life because the gospel of Jesus is real and true. And if it is true indeed, then you refuse to dull your heart, because being half alive is not what you were made for. You choose to live from the inside out, offering yourself in a hundred good ways to the people God brings your way. Anyone will tell you this path is harder in a heartbeat. But it leads to a place worth going, and this makes all the difference. To live in the rarer air of the in-between- neither shutting down desire nor demanding it be fulfilled in a particular way- is your own heart's journey in what it means to trust God with your life. The disease to be feared is not, as our culture claims, that somehow we won't get anywhere or end up with the life we want. The real fear is that you and I will go through life holding back the life God has put in us, playing it safe. We'll miss giving it away to those around us. The pain of unmet desires can actually enlarge our hearts. The more we let ourselves long for life, even though it brings the ache of incompleteness, the more we are actually able to savor the joy that comes our way. This paradox surprises me on a daily basis. More and more, I recognize this kind of pain for what it is- a ticket to becoming a woman so thoroughly alive that she is afraid of almost nothing.- Rinehart

For those that are discouraged with the way the Lord is writing your particular story, remember the words from Proverbs 3:5-12. I chose to use the Message translation this morning because I think it points us in the right direction when we realize the hope we have in trusting our Savior.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all.
Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
your wine vats will brim over.
But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline;
don't sulk under his loving correction.
It's the child he loves that God corrects;
a father's delight is behind all this.

-Proverbs 3:5-12

By Faith

One of my favorite chapters in the New Testament is Hebrews 11: (NLT)

Great Examples of Faith

¹ Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. ² Through their faith, the people in days of old earned a good reputation.

³ By faith we understand that the entire universe was formed at God’s command, that what we now see did not come from anything that can be seen.

⁴ It was by faith that Abel brought a more acceptable offering to God than Cain did. Abel’s offering gave evidence that he was a righteous man, and God showed his approval of his gifts. Although Abel is long dead, he still speaks to us by his example of faith.

⁵ It was by faith that Enoch was taken up to heaven without dying—“he disappeared, because God took him.”^[a] For before he was taken up, he was known as a person who pleased God. ⁶ And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.

⁷ It was by faith that Noah built a large boat to save his family from the flood. He obeyed God, who warned him about things that had never happened before. By his faith Noah condemned the rest of the world, and he received the righteousness that comes by faith.

⁸ It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. ⁹ And even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith—for he was like a foreigner, living in tents. And so did Isaac and Jacob, who inherited the same promise. ¹⁰ Abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God.

¹¹ It was by faith that even Sarah was able to have a child, though she was barren and was too old. She believed^[b] that God would keep his promise. ¹² And so a whole nation came from this one man who was as good as dead—a nation with so many people that, like the stars in the sky and the sand on the seashore, there is no way to count them.

¹³ All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it. They agreed that they were foreigners and nomads here on earth. ¹⁴ Obviously people who say such things are looking forward to a country they can call their own. ¹⁵ If they had longed for the country they came from, they could have gone back. ¹⁶ But they were looking for a better place, a heavenly homeland. That is why God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

¹⁷ It was by faith that Abraham offered Isaac as a sacrifice when God was testing him. Abraham, who had received God’s promises, was ready to sacrifice his only son, Isaac, ¹⁸even though God had told him, “Isaac is the son through whom your descendants will be counted.”^{[c] 19} Abraham reasoned that if Isaac died, God was able to bring him back to life again. And in a sense, Abraham did receive his son back from the dead.

²⁰ It was by faith that Isaac promised blessings for the future to his sons, Jacob and Esau.

²¹ It was by faith that Jacob, when he was old and dying, blessed each of Joseph’s sons and bowed in worship as he leaned on his staff.

²² It was by faith that Joseph, when he was about to die, said confidently that the people of Israel would leave Egypt. He even commanded them to take his bones with them when they left.

²³ It was by faith that Moses’ parents hid him for three months when he was born. They saw that God had given them an unusual child, and they were not afraid to disobey the king’s command.

²⁴ It was by faith that Moses, when he grew up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. ²⁵ He chose to share the oppression of God’s people instead of enjoying the fleeting pleasures of sin. ²⁶ He thought it was better to suffer for the sake of Christ than to own the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking ahead to his great reward. ²⁷ It was by faith that Moses left the land of Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger. He kept right on going because he kept his eyes on the one who is invisible. ²⁸ It was by faith that Moses commanded the people of Israel to keep the Passover and to sprinkle blood on the doorposts so that the angel of death would not kill their firstborn sons.

²⁹ It was by faith that the people of Israel went right through the Red Sea as though they were on dry ground. But when the Egyptians tried to follow, they were all drowned.

³⁰ It was by faith that the people of Israel marched around Jericho for seven days, and the walls came crashing down.

³¹ It was by faith that Rahab the prostitute was not destroyed with the people in her city who refused to obey God. For she had given a friendly welcome to the spies.

³² How much more do I need to say? It would take too long to recount the stories of the faith of Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel, and all the prophets. ³³ By faith these people overthrew kingdoms, ruled with justice, and received what God had promised them. They shut the mouths of lions, ³⁴ quenched the flames of fire, and escaped death by the edge of the sword. Their weakness was turned to strength. They became strong in battle and put whole armies to flight. ³⁵ Women received their loved ones back again from death.

But others were tortured, refusing to turn from God in order to be set free. They placed their hope in a better life after the resurrection. ³⁶ Some were jeered at, and their backs were cut open with whips. Others were chained in prisons. ³⁷ Some died by stoning, some were sawed in half,^[d] and others were killed with the sword. Some went about wearing skins of sheep and goats, destitute and oppressed and mistreated. ³⁸ They were too good for this world, wandering over deserts and mountains, hiding in caves and holes in the ground.

³⁹ All these people earned a good reputation because of their faith, yet none of them received all that God had promised. ⁴⁰ For God had something better in mind for us, so that they would not reach perfection without us.

It is hard to live in the present- letting the Lord shape and mold us into the daughters and sons He has called us to be. I, for one, am not a very patient person. I have my moments and I learn from them... usually the hard way. Often, when things aren't moving the way I'd like, I have been known to do everything in my power to change the circumstances I am in so that I do not have to deal with the pain that comes from waiting on the Lord. My faith, at times, seems very shallow and muddied with false truths that say, "I am capable to stand on my own, to make my own choices, to do what I need to get done." I feel disappointment with God's plan for my life when I look at friends that seem to have the life I want. I become jealous at the seemingly successful marriages and the new families, wondering if and when it will be my turn. In my rebellion, with a quick turn from the Lord's promises to me, God suddenly becomes a big bully rather than a suffering Savior. Yet, He gently calls me back to himself, and reminds me of the ways he has and continues to use me. I am humbled and find myself back on my knees time and time again, begging Him to cleanse my heart and to help me trust Him and His plan for me.

I am comforted by the characters of scripture that waited and trusted the Lord, especially in times of trouble. The men and women that God has used in significant ways in the Bible weren't superheroes either (Praise the Lord!)- they struggled with patience and faith throughout the scriptures. Yet, the Lord put His hands on them and gave them purpose in those years of waiting on the Lord, by letting them take part in an even greater story. None of them have seen the completed story. Neither have we.

Rinehart writes, "If you have traveled far at all in this journey with the Lord, you know the significance of that phrase- to smile at the future. How do you do that when you are staring in the face of what's been lost along the way? How do you look with hope to the future, if the present is vastly different than you anticipated? Smiling at the future is possible if it holds all you've longed for." Your faith is not a story you made up so you could sleep better at night. The fairy tale does come true. It's just not now. Not here. And not yet. We smile because God always has more to this story. We live in hope because whatever tragedy strikes (and believe me, it can strike hard), it CANNOT usurp the blessing of God on our lives as we walk with Him.

I am reminded of David, who said "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living." (Psalm 27:13) Have faith, dear friends, for this adventure you and I are on actually leads somewhere! Whatever you are struggling with in your heart, know that the King has something beautiful planned for all of us in the end. He uses the suffering we experience to grow us and to act out the Gospel for the world to see. Rinehart writes, "God takes us down some narrow paths, full of briars and thorns. Would we come, by any easy route, to those broad, open spaces where his grace is poured out through our cracked pots into the lives of others? Would we find our dancing shoes any other way?"

Eyes on the Prize

I lovvvvvve Sara Groves. I've had this new song on repeat. Here's the link and the words are below: http://www.onlylyrics.com/hits.php?grid=11&id=1072711

Eyes on the Prize

Paul and Silas, bound in jail,
Got no money for the good they bail(?),
Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on.

Paul and Silas thought they lost,
The dungeon shook and the chains fell off,
Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on.

Freedom's name is mighty sweet,
and one day soon we are gonna meet.
Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on.

Got my hand on the gospel plow,
Won't take nothing for the journey now.
Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on.

CHORUS:
The wait is slow,
And we've so far to go.
Keep your eyes on the prize, (x2)
Hold on.

The only (?) chain a man can stand
is that chain of hand in hand,
Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on.

Ain't no man on earth control
The weight of glory on a human soul.
Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on.

[CHORUS]

When you see a man walk free,
It makes you dream of jubilee.

When you see a child walk free,
It makes you dream of jubliee.

When you see a family free,
It makes you dream of jubilee.

Keep your eyes on the prize, hold on.

Only God Can Name Me

I read a little this morning from Paula Rinehart's "Better Than My Dreams". In it, she writes, "God wants us to listen through the noise: there is a Voice, and that Voice predates every negative voice in your head. His deeper magic is truth. No abuse can undo it. No condemning words in your past absolutely have to shape your future. There is a deeper magic, and it's unspeakably strong stuff. We have been ushered into life with an invitation engraved in blood, delivered in the body of a suffering God with our names on His lips. The road home, always, is allowing myself to be brought back to this simple place over and over again- and often by the impetus of a difficult relationship. I let the love and blessing of Christ on my life be enough because it is. I get captivated by the deepest magic of all. I hear him name me as his own- and I let that stick to my ribs. When I do, it no longer feels like someone is standing on my air hose. My life and my worth are not at the mercy of any human being. From here, I can actually offer myself to others with a measure of unconscious abandon. I get to give a teaspoon of the very love that's flowing through me. That, I realize, is the magic at its very best. " Praise the Lord for this reminder today. Only God can name me- as His own.
Bless our God, O peoples; let the sound of his praise be heard, who has kept our soul among the living and has not let our feet slip. For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried. You brought us into the net; you laid a crushing burden on our backs; you let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water; yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance."- Psalm 66:8-12

He Knows Us.

Excerpt from J.I. Packer's "Knowing God"

"I am graven on the palms of [God's] hands. I am never out of his mind. All my knowledge of him depends on his sustained initiative in knowing me. I know him because he first knew me, and continues to know me. He knows me as a friend, one who loves me; and there is no moment when his eye is off me, or his attention distracted from me, and no moment, therefore, when his care falters.

This is momentous knowledge. There is unspeakable comfort- the sort of comfort that energizes, be it said, not enervates- in knowing that God is constantly taking knowledge of me in love and watching over me for my good. There is tremendous relief in knowing that his love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery now can disillusion him about me, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself, and quench his determination to bless me.

There is, certainly, great cause for humility in the thought that he sees all the twisted things about me that my fellow humans do not see (and I am glad!), and that he sees more corruption in me than that which I see in myself (which, in all conscience, is enough). There is, however, equally great incentive to worship and love God in the thought that, for some unfathomable reason, he wants me as his friend, and desires to be my friend, and has given his Son to die for me in order to realize this purpose."- pp. 41-42

What an incredible truth. What is important is not merely that we know God, but that HE KNOWS US. To know Christ as the intimate Savior that knows the depths of my soul breaks my heart and continues to draw me closer and closer to Himself through this truth. No human relationship I've ever had has equalled the depth that I share with the Lord Jesus. It isn't because I do good things, or have earned this kind of mercy, but instead, it is because he sought me out, saved me, and brought me into a knowledge of Love that is far better than anything I could ever have imagined. To walk this journey with a King helps me to keep stepping forward and encouraging those walking with me to our Home with Him. We walk, amidst the pain and obstacles along the way, because He gives us HIS strength to do so.