Midnight...
I will be leaving this sweet city in just a few hours.
I am leaving with my heart full... with wonderful friends that have loved me so well. I think it is just awesome how I titled my blog "Rewriting This Tragedy" over a year ago. It isn't because I had incredible insight, but I had a Promise of Restoration. This blog was to help me see the ways in which He would rewrite this sadness and turn it into something beautiful. I have had the sweet opportunity to see the ways in which the Holy Spirit has transformed my heart.
Rewriting is exactly what God has done... He has rewritten the damage, the destruction, and is teaching me about how His Story is completely mine. He shares my joys, my sorrows, and sends people to grow from. I look back on the painful places I have walked these last few years... remembering the tears, the screams of agony and feeling as if I couldn't take one more step forward... and something amazing happened...
The Father met me in that pain. He met me there with blood stained hands and wept with me. He boldly held me in His grip when I tried to run from Him. He sent people around me to weep with me and it is through those times that I have seen the Gospel cover my life with a little more clarity. I remember being angry at my story and how God was piecing it together. Why wasn't it the way I had asked! I would call out, "Jesus, please stop it! Please Father, give me what I want! I know what is best for me! Why does this have to be so hard?!" His answer, "Katie, my Beloved, trust me."
As I think about that time and then reflect on this very moment and where I am- spiritually, emotionally, and preparing to embark on an incredible journey... I remember God's words of Trust. "TRUST ME, KATIE." I have been on an incredible journey ALL ALONG... Praise God for restoring brokenness in such cool ways!
My heart is so full tonight- thankful and joyful as I see the ways in which I have been so blessed. Joel 2:25 comes to mind: "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten- the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm- my great army that I sent among you." Jerry Bridges wrote regarding this passage, "He does not limit His promise merely to restoring the land to its former productivity. He says He will repay them for the years the locusts have eaten, years that they themselves forfeited to the judgment of God. God could well have said, "I will restore your land to its former productivity, but it's too bad about those years you lost. They are gone forever. That is the price you pay for your sin." He would have been generous just to have restored them, but He went beyond that. He would cause their harvests to be so abundant they would recoup the losses from the years of famine. He says He will repay them, though He obviously owes them nothing... God is just and holy. He judges sin and disciplines His children. But He is also "the God of all grace." (1 Peter 5:10)
He has (and is!) repaying me for the years the locusts have eaten. I don't deserve it- not a bit! But I rejoice at the God that knows me and loves me so tenderly. I am so proud to be His daughter and to be surrounded by brothers and sisters that reflect that Love.
"Thank you, Jesus, for St. Louis. Thank you for the hard times, for the laughs, for the humbling and shocking moments. Thank you for the grace in which I learned from my professors, peers, counselors, close friends, and the larger community. I am forever thankful... and I know that will affect everyone I encounter in the future. Thank you for restoring my life... GIVING ME BACK THE YEARS I THOUGHT I LOST."
